I should listen to myself more often

Yesterday I told Alli we would be going to church today. To which she replied,"Oh Mom, you can't take 4 kids to church by yourself."

"Hmm, Alli, you're right, I guess I can't take four kids to the mall by myself either."

She quickly changed her tune and agreed to go and be miserable in the morning. But I had a rough night, couldn't sleep, Kathryn cried about not being able to get her panties back on at 4am and woke up really, really early yelling to let me know she was really, really hungry. So I decided we wouldn't be making the service this morning. Which was probably a bad idea, because I needed to ask God for the patience, strength and sanity it required for me to take the four of them to the mall.

It only took us two hours to get ready to go, between us all getting dressed, fixing hair, a thousand phone calls to check gift card balances, and locating missing shoes.

I sometimes get quite delusional in my ideas of the tasks that I can perform. I mean surely, four daughters, shopping, good times, right? Um, no. We'll start with the fact that I drove around the parking lot for 25 minutes trying to find a spot. After repeatedly spewing words not fit for my little ones' ears, I decided to suck it up and valet.

By this time we were famished and PF Changs just so happened to be the closest restaurant, and well I love me some PF Changs so we mozied on in. As always there was a wait, but the kind hostess took pity on me when she asked how I was doing and I honestly told her, "Well I'm rather pissed about the parking situation and my kids have been screaming quite loudly for sustenance. How long is your wait?"

"Oh, we actually have a table right for you right now." Wow I should be honest more often.

Dunch was great. Spelling out names with chopsticks is an amazing diversionary tactic. However chopsticks are also deadly weapons and at any moment may poke out your eyes or get stuck up your nose, so it is important to wear a helmet if you happen to be sitting next to the three year old.

I gave the little ones the rundown on how it was going to be. We had some money to be spent in abercrombie, if they were well behaved, I would take them for a ride on the carousel afterwards. Alli and Abby tried on about 50 things, then saw about 50 other things they needed to try on as well. Emma and Kathryn were not having any of it. They were playing in the racks, crashing the stroller, doing everything but sitting and behaving. I repeatedly gave them "one more chance", which I don't usually do. But here's the thing, abercrombie=hell and I did not want to attempt this trip again. You can't navigate the store and the music is so loud it makes my head spin. In fact I think they purposefully crank the volume up to 1000 to make parents scream, "FINE, whatever you want, let's just get the hell out of here!" But I do it because I love them and I want them to have the right clothes.

I shared my theory upon checkout with the model (they aren't salespeople, they hire models, that way they can get by with not hiring ugly employees or anyone larger than a size 0). She just shook her head and smiled. Uh huh, I figured it out. Oh I was quite entertaining for all sales personnel today. The clerk at American Eagle about hit the floor in hysterics when he asked how my day was going and I replied, "well it could be better, I could be shopping without my kids." Glad someone was having a good time.

A few failed attempts at shoe stores where no shoes we wanted were available in sizes we needed. I caved in and let them ride the merry-go-round because honestly, this trip was as much torture for them as it was for me, they needed a little fun. And I needed to sit down for 5 minutes. We were clear on the other side of the mall from the elevator and needed to take the escalator down. Which was not working. So I struggled to push the stroller down, step by step by step while perfectly able bodied gentlemen who had apparently forgotten all manners of chivalry, were quite taken with watching me struggle and my low rise jeans fall lower and lower.

And then we hit Claire's. The accessory store owned by Satan himself. Stroller absolutely not fitting. Girls of all ages, everywhere. Earring displays knocked over. And I said,"I can't, I just can't. We're done."

But Mom, I need a new necklace and some pink earrings and I need a headband and I need those Hannah Montana clips and I need...

And Mom needs a margarita. Or twelve.

So the moral of my story is I was right. I couldn't take four kids to the mall by myself. Gosh, who was I fooling?

And shame on me for thinking otherwise, because ask my husband, ask my kids, I'm always right!