Hip to be Square

I like to think I'm a pretty cool mom. I read US Weekly religiously to keep up on all celebrity gossip, I know all the "hip" songs, and I'm on average about 8 years younger than all of Alli's friends' moms. That alone is pretty dang cool. I have a great relationship with my daughter and learn new things from her every day. Did you know there is basically a whole new vocabulary than when we were that age?? Here, let me catch you up:


EMO- I had no idea what this term was but Alli was using it to describe certain people and situations at school. I of course did not want to appear like a dumbass in front of my daughter by saying what the heck are you talking about, so I would nod in agreement whenever the term was used. One day I did ask the teenage boy across the street what it meant. It means several things, emotionally challenged, someone who likes to dress in all black or gothlike, or someone who likes to "cut" themselves. Interesting term.

Taser- No, not the gun used by law enforcement and little old ladies. Taser is one of those annoying physical "affections" used by boys to get girls' attention. Much like the "horse eating corn" move still used by my apparently not hip husband on my knee. Or the classic "noogie" move used by bullies. A taser is when someone comes up behind you and grabs both the sides of your stomach, squeezing and tickling you in the process.

Whatev- Apparently there is a short amount of air in the world. Therefore it is important to make sure your save your breath by not saying the final syllable of the word. This is good to know, the kids are obviously aware of the depleted amount of oxygen due to the rainforest being cut down. They are doing their part for the environment by being silent.

OMG- Not Oh my God, or Oh my Gosh, or Oh my Goodness, it is just the letters "O" "M" "G". This might tie into the whole conserving oxygen craze as well. Or it might just be a carry over from the insane amount of texting and instant messaging these kids are doing. I guess the fact that they are actually speaking with their mouths and not with their fingers should be thrilling enough. But if I ever hear "colon close parentheses Birthday" at a party, I might lose it :)

Chilax- This is my favorite. The new wacky compound word. A way of getting your friends to calm down when things aren't going so well. Chill out and relax simply won't do for the next generation.


One day I was out with Alli at the mall, and a somewhat suspect character walked by. Being that I am so up on what these wacky kids are doing I thought I would be silly and said, "OMG, that girl is so EMO!"

Immediately Alli looked around to see if anyone recognized her, a look of fear and panic in her eyes. She turned to me and whispered,"Mom, please never say that again. That was so gay and you were not cool."

I stood there for a moment, hurt, dejected. And then I held my head up high and walked away from my little brat in my Ed Hardy sneakers, True Religion jeans and Prada sunglasses and tossed a "WhatevER!" over my shoulder.