Follow Your Dreams (or not)

Emma is big on dreams. She has lots of them. And I, like any good mother, am trying to help her on the way to making these dreams come true. Well some of them, the rest I squash like pesky little bugs.

Remember Daisies? Squashed.
She also wants to ride horses. Squashed.
And ice skate. Squashed.
And do ballet. Squashed.

So she has figured out that she can focus on the things she does best, gymnastics and Tae Kwon Do. Except her dreams in gymnastics got squashed. And not by me.

A few weeks ago, right before Christmas actually, the coaches did their "evaluations". Based on the girls' performances they could move up to the next level or stay put. Well Emma has come a long way in her gymnastics ability and was for CERTAIN that she was going to be a Gold Star. She brought me her evaluation sheet, tears streaming down her face, screaming "I hate Purple, it's the worst color in the universe." She was not promoted with her friends and was quite devastated. I tried to explain that was okay she would be a Gold Star before she knew it, I thought she was doing a great job, look how far she's come, yada yada yada...

If a six year old can fall into a deep,dark depression, she did. We were forbidden to use the words "gymnastics", "purple", "gold" and "Alexandria". They just brought too many bad memories and the faucets would turn on.

So I of course like any good mother, called the coach to ask her why she made my baby cry. She replied that there was just one skill on the beam that Emma didn't quite have. She was soooo close and would probably be promoted to Gold in about two weeks.

Let me get this straight. One skill, so close, gold star very soon. My child was all but on antidepressants. I couldn't get her out of her bathrobe. Do you think you just could have bumped her up for her one skill so close and maybe avoided all this heartbreak and turmoil?

She wanted to quit.

So yesterday was her first day back. And she was excited to go. Kathryn got a "balance beam" from Grandma for Christmas and Emma has been practicing her one skill so close. So she went to class with head held high, completely confident, ready to show Coach A what she could do and tell her where she could stick her purple star, because she was ready to be all gold baby!

After class, she gets in the truck, tears running down her face. "It's over, my dream is over, I just want to be a gold star. This dream is ruined, like all my dreams, like my dream of Girl Scouts. Life is terrible!"

Whoa.

Well honey, what's going on?

I can't be a gold star.

Well it will happen, soon.

No, it won't. Coach A did not let me move up.

It's your first day back, you'll get it. Did you even do beam today?

No. But I told her I could do the one skill so close and she didn't move me.

Well that means next week you get to do beam and you can show her. You'll get there honey.

No, that dream's over, I want to be a cupstacker.

Whoa.

Cup stacking is her new favorite thing to do. Her cups were the hit of Christmas and she has been doing it nonstop. The thing is, cupstacking practice is on Wednesday mornings at 7:20. Emma and I are not morning people. And some Wednesdays, she has Good News Club after school and then Tae Kwon Do. And as much as I guess I thoroughly enjoy over scheduling my child (I just signed her up for soccer), I couldn't do it.

So after about two hours (I really needed her emotions to calm down, I was terrified of what she was going to do to me) I took her aside and explained that the cup stacking team was not going to be happening. Here I go, squashing again.

She looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and said, "Okay."

What?

Okay. Maybe I can do it next year.

Wow, didn't see that coming.

But you know Mom, it's still my dream to be a Girl Scout...