I have been to the mall a few times over the last couple of weeks. My purpose is to give Kathryn enough exposure to Santa before actually sitting on his lap, so that HOPEFULLY, she won't scream bloody murder. I'll let you know how that goes...
I have decided that mall kiosks should be outlawed. When they hire these people, is it a requirement to have played tackle football, or to completely be able to screen children out of existence? Ma'am do you have a minute for me to show this great new product? Ummm, no, I am here with my kids!
Here are my top five offenders of late:
The Hair Straightener- When I am walking with my children who are strapped in the stroller at a very brisk pace, I am obviously on a mission. I don't have time for you to straighten my hair. Do you even see how much hair I have? It takes at least 30 minutes! And the fact that I took the time this morning to CURL my hair should let you know that I'm not interested. Plus I have a Chi, so leave me alone.
The Snow Lady- Okay your product is really cool, I will give you that. Have you seen this? There's a powder and you just add water and it's like real snow. Fluffy and cold. But you must be on "snow" if you think that I think that 2 gallons of snow for $40 is a deal. And like my friend said, Who wants to vacuum that crap up?" Oh wait, you must be dating the Kirby guy and are gonna give him my info so he can come visit me after Christmas. But you do need to work on your demo just a bit because you soaked poor Kathryn's sleeve with water.
Miracle of the Dead Sea- What do you sell and why can't you at least yell at me in English? Plus I have great skin, I'm Greek!
All cellphone guys- When I am walking by talking on my phone, it's quite obvious that I don't need one. Are you for real asking people if they have a cell phone? Who doesn't? And if I am wanting to change service or upgrade my phone I will do that from the comfort of my couch while my children are contently watching SpongeBob, instead of trying to escape the confines of the stroller because I have run out of fruit snacks.
The Crab Guy- Buy a cage, get a crab free. Well duh? Didn't you get the crab for free? I can go to Galveston and get my own hermit crab for FREE. And it might not have a pretty painted shell like yours, but it will stink just the same and still die within the week. And you know what really makes me mad with this guy? It's the fact that he completely ignores me and talks directly to Emma, ask your mom for a crab. Great idea dude, but I have the checkbook!
Okay done ranting. I think next week I will try wearing headphones, a hat, and sunglasses. I'll let you know how that works out too...
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OK, this is my favorite rant so far Amy... You are beginning to craft them like my fav Dennis Miller. Let me save you some time on the snow (although that quote was CLASSIC from you)Go to stevespangler.com and he will sell it for $12. Plus, that site ROCKS with science ideas for kids... and if you really want to save money, you can use a couple of Kathryn's diapers (unless she is potty trained) That is all that stuff is, I bet they neglected to tell you THAT bit of trivia... They use the same stuff that soaks up, well... you know... in diapers. Want experiments? Ask a teacher... and run QUICKLY away from those mall freaks! Thanks for the laugh!
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