I'm a young mom. I spit out the first pup at 19 years old, the second at 20. Which, all in all, I really enjoy being a young mom. Except for days like today... It doesn't seem to be a problem until I have to go up to the school.
Abby is in 5th grade. There is a big graduation party for the kids at the end of the year. I've been emailing and begging and pimping myself to help with the party in any way I could. I just like to be involved. I was with Alli's party and it was a blast! I wanted to be able to participate in Abby's to do as well. So after weeks of not hearing anything, I got an email. Last night.
Just wanted to let you know that our committee is meeting tomorrow at 9am. See you then.
Okay, nothing like the last minute. Sure, I'll blow off going to the DPS, again. The grocery store, again. No problem.
I had to drop Kathryn off at her preschool, so I was a little late to the meeting. I walk in and see a group of 10 women and made a beeline for them. When I got to the group, one of the ladies looks up and asked, "Can I help you?"
"Yes, my name's Amy, is this the committee meeting?"
"For fifth grade."
"Okay, great, what can I do to help?"
"You have a fifth grader?"
"Uh-huh, and a seventh grader, what can I do to help?"
I sat down and was basically ignored. I would try to interject an idea here or there, but I was sensing the clique of which I was not a part of. They had a plan already, and apparently I was just a person that needed to be placed somewhere and this was the poor group that got stuck with me. Finally, I piped up loud enough to announce that I had a bubble machine.
Crickets.
"A bubble machine?"
"It might be fun for the kids to walk through when they get to the party, going with the whole catch the wave thing. It just might be cute."
"Why do you have a bubble machine?" Why does it matter?
"My 3 year old loves it."
"So you have a three year old?"
"Yes and a kindergartner."
"Oh. OH, so you have four kids?"
And here it comes the inevitable question...
"How old are you?"
"Old enough."
And by this time, the conversation had turned from the party to mammograms and cosmetic procedures. About what this one was doing for her 50th birthday and how this one had just celebrated 45 and this one was going through menopause. Really? Is this a conversation that I needed to be privy to? Do I know these ladies, do I care? But the meeting wasn't over, and I couldn't just leave.
Finally the lady next to me announces that she has to go. She has an appointment. A little Botox or something to deal with those nasty little wrinkles on her forehead. She turns me to and asks, "Do you even have any wrinkles?"
"Oh, they're coming. I still get zits."
I don't think she likes me very much.
On a sidenote, I have a lot of wonderful friends who are older than me. But they have also been grown-up enough to look past the fact that I am younger. They haven't passed judgement on me for being a "teenage" pregnancy or the fact that I am divorced and remarried. They have accepted me for a woman and a mom. Because when it boils down to it, age is only a number, we all have this adventure called motherhood in common. I adore all my friends, and I love them for not treating me any differently. But it's these uppity bitches that I continue to run into at school events and functions that really get my goat. And I've run into them a lot. Thankfully when Kathryn starts kindergarten in two years, I should be the same age as the other mommies in the class and maybe I won't have to deal with this drama anymore.
But then again, it is the suburbs.
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59 comments:
I have wrinkles and zits, too.
I had my kids early as well...not quite as young as you, but I'm 34 with a 13 year old. I get the looks and questions too.
We'll just stick together!! Like you did for me on my blog...thanks so much for the kind comments. At least I'm making some amazing new bloggy friends through this whole ordeal!!
Good for you! Why should they care? You are all there supporting your kids. Besides, who can't use another friend or partner in crime?!? They need to put on their "big girl" panties and deal with it!
On the flip side, I had my first child at 30 yrs old. I wish I had your energy and enthusiasm! Not to mention, I tend to be one of the "older" women in the pre-k and 1st grade set. So people think you want to be on ALL the committees...not!
I, too was a young mom. I had my son at 21, and was a single mom for several years. I always thought it was great being younger- the energy, the ability to relate to kids. I always felt bad for my friends that had 'old' parents. There was such a generational gap. Now with my daughter I am an older parent. Although wiser with her, I hate thinking I'm going to be much less in touch as she grows up.
It's not your fault that some women are waiting so long in life to have their kids! Rejoice in the fact that you don't have to deal with wrinkles and menopause yet! I know I do!
I wanted to be a younger mom. Not 19 (I wasn't even dating anyone seriously then), but I can see its advantages now. Both my mom and my brother were 19 when their first came (unplanned, but God doesn't make mistakes. My mom was 25 when her last was born and my brother was 27. I was 29 when my first came and almost 31 when my second and last came. I would SO RATHER BE YOUNG! You have more energy. Your experiences are what give you your maturity, not your age, necessarily. I don't ask about age much. I hang with a big group of much younger girls and feel like I learn a lot from them - and I'm not talking about what bands are hip or what clothes are trendy.
KEEP BELIEVING
I get that question all the time too.
LOL. Why do you think they think it is okay to ask. Is it really ANY of their business. You handled it nice. WTG, mommy!
Nice post!
I feel ya sister! I am starting to get the 'you don't work?' gamut. I know my kids are both in school and I'm not 30 yet-but BACK OFF. I didn't get my degree, I got a newborn.
I love your response about zits and wrinkles.
It really drive me crazy when people are so quick to judge someone else on appearance. Up yours, lady!
Is it odd that I'm aggravated for you?
Too bad they are so jealous!
I hear ya, sister! I'm 34 with a 12 year old. It doesn't help that I am asian so I look a lot younger than I actually am. When people find out my oldest is 12, they ask if I had her when I was 12... uh, NO. I could never figure out if that was supposed to be a compliment or an insult but it always felt like the latter. Oh, and don't get me started on the looks of disbelief for having FOUR (*gasp*) kids!
What I DO love is when my daughter's friends ask if I'm her sister. (hehe) For some reason it's flattering to hear that coming from them!
BTW, love your blog! Glad I stumbled upon you! =)
J.E.A.L.O.U.S!! That is what that is called.. Freaking hags.
I am old. very old. had both my kids before I could start collecting Social Security.. but would never ever comment to a mom that looked young OR old.
You are there supporting your child and trying to take interest in their life.. who the fluck cares how old you are??
GRRRRRRR.. women like that need to be slapped. LOL
That's ridiculous. Poor you.
I have friends that started at 19 and friends that have started in their 30's. It's attitude and maturity, not chronological age that make the parent.
I'll be your friend, no worries :-)
Wenches.
You handled it a lot better than I would have, I'm afraid. At least you went to the meeting. I'm sure there are some older moms in her class that don't bother with stuff like that.
I can't believe they asked you how old you were- How rude!
Clique-y moms sucks. I get that too from older moms, and I just turned 30. There's always something....
with my first two kids...i was the young mom but, i was still 27 and 29...but, the other moms were in their mid to late 30's. with my youngest...i'm the oldest mom!! but, i can't stand those kinds of women...the ones like those you write about...they're everywhere. my hubby and i, we call them "better-thans" because, that is how they appear. but...i just figure...and, this goes for the women at your school, too...they are all insecure and jealous...and they always need a victim...to make them feel better about themselves!!
you handled it amazingly!! and...they can all piss off!
xoxo
Ah...screw um! They are just terribly jealous and can't stand the fact that your the MILF!
Next time wear a cute shirt that shows some boobage and some tight ass hip hugger jeans! If they're going to be rude, then give them a bigger reason to be rude. Mess.With.Them!!
i think you did a superb job! some people just have waaaay too much to say. i bet they were a bit jealous of you!
they're the ones that need to grow up!
They are just jealous! I cannot believe they asked you how old you were. That's not a basis on which to judge someone.
I loved your answer about the wrinkles though. CLASSIC!
i could have just about written your post! i soooo feel your pain. i get ignored everywhere. from just about ANY STORE to car dealerships. my hubby is one, ONE year older than me and we've gotten the whole "are you father/daughter thing" -- GROSS!
I'm 35. My oldest will be 16 in May and my youngest is 2. I've been asked if my son is my boyfriend. Twice. Wanna talk about scary?
Age is just a number. You're only as old as you feel! I feel early-mid 20's and get told that most people think I'm only 30. God Bless Them!
You weren't even that young! Really. A lot of my friends and family started families right after high school. Whatever, the old hags suck.
BTW, that which you deleted? I loved it. I really, really did.
I agree with Kimberly...
Jealous bitches, every single one of them!!
I love that you're a young mom. Looking back, I wish I would have had my kids sooner actually.
You handled yourself beautifully!
But, I say next time you march into one of those meetings dressed in a slutty school girl outfit, pigtails and all, ya know, just to see the expressions on their face!!
Oh, I get those questions all the time. WHAT? You have three kids? I had my first at 20 (She is 9 now).
I can not stand it when some one older tells me "You look like a baby yourself!".
You handled it great.
ROCK ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF! lol
Linda
Okay seriously, GET AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE! You should have shown off your young spryness and karate chopped them in the back of their neck! They are just jealous but you know that.
Man those ladies just sound awful! Boo hiss on them for being that way:( Just try to ignore it...
Don't let them get to ya, you're the best no matter what!! I CAN'T believe they even asked how old you were, whatever~why does that matter?!?
I know exactly what you mean.
F*** 'em.
[I did have the whole word written out there but I didn't know if cursing was allowed on your blog so I self edited. :p]
You've just described exactly what I'm scared of about moving to a new town -- that whole acceptance thing. Whether you're young or just new to people, they are very good at acting completely uninterested. It's so uncomfortable for us moms who just want to help and get involved with our kids and school, etc. By the way, I was 24 when I had my now
13-year-old, so I've never considered myself a young mom, but I guess by some standards it could be considered young. I just consider it average. I think I'll go cry into my moving boxes while I pack now.
You know? Those bitchy women have kids that will be angry with them later for being too old to do anything. My mom was 32 when she had me & I always hated her being so old. It's an injustice to those kids that their parents will be wearing Depends to their graduations. Kudos to you for being the young mom.
I would have to say that those older women are probably jealous - obviously! I'm an older mom and I know how older moms can be (I hope I'm never like that) - sorry they treated you so badly!!
Have a good evening - Kellan
Some women are horrible, aren't they? Stick with them and the committee--eventually they'll see beyond your age.
OK. I get this same stuff all the time (not because I'm a hot young mom ostracised by the elitist mom cliques) but because I'm the dad in a mom's role. My experience is that these school mom groups are bee--otches and it's best to stay far from them.
As one of your "older" friends, thanks for the nice words. But I am ONLY 5 years older than you...ok?
I am much older than you (at least six years! :) but I'm here to tell you that if you weren't much younger than them, those nasty cliquey moms would find something else to be nasty about. In my case, I'm 37 with a 4 yr old, but I'm not as skinny or well-groomed as those meanies. Oh, I bathe and wear clean clothes. But they aren't designer clothes, and my makeup doesn't cost as much as dinner out -- so they're snobby as if I'm not cool enough for them. Basically, you have to just ignore them.
Also -- there are plenty of us out here who would hang out with you in a second and so totally dis on those uptight nasty ladies-- any day of the week! Just tell us where the next PTA meeting is, and we'll show up and do an interpretive dance about how great you are and how we're all going to your house for cupcakes after and they are so not invited. And we'll even bring the cupcakes. (((hugs)))
You just gave me flashbacks to my attempts to get active in the PTA at my son's school!
ugh. I hear ya. I'm in the same boat. I get "are you old enough to have kids" all of the time. sigh.
Good grief! These women sound like hags! Cripes!
I don't think it is just because you are younger than them. I think it is also because you are HOT!
Jealous, ladies?
I am an OLDER mom--in my 30s with my first (only 6 months). I couldn't care less about a person's age. There is so much more to a person than age . . . geez.
Can you say JEALOUS? I'm with Kim on that one. Seriously. Women can be so . . . mean.
I think you handled the situation very well! Those ladies are rude and it's none of their business how old you are! I agree with the other moms. It boils down to jealousy! My mom had my oldest brother when she was 19 and then me when she was 38 so I think she had to dealk with both ends of the spectrum. I don't think age matters. What matters is that you love and care for your children and you are there to support them! I do have to laugh at Jessica's comment about her husband though! Josh and I ran into that situation at his gym a few months ago! They asked him if his daughter (me) needed a towel! LOL. He's only a year older than me! He was so upset!!
I am so glad I am not alone with this problem. Every time I go to my 5th graders stuff, I am, without a doubt, the youngest person there by far. I feel soooo out of place. I was actually 22 when I had her, so I wasn't really THAT young, but young enough I guess! Young enough to not be able to relate to any of the other parents, that's for sure! It stinks!
The Working Moms vs the SAHMs, the Single Moms vs the Married Moms, the "mature" moms versus the "young" moms...this all needs to come to a stop!! Sorry this happened to you. Just as long as you remember, it says more about them than it does about you.
Blog Hoppin',
Balancing Hops
Amy~ I am right there with ya. It's nice to meet another young mom. I had my 4th child shortly after I turned 29. I get the comments and looks all the time about my age, they act like I can't handle it, I am overwhelmed. Basically I find they are overwhelmed because they can't imagine having the energy and loving what I do. Here's one of my favs though...
pregnant with my 1st, working a temp job (between moving) at the Bbay Gap, great discount right?! SO this lady is telling me she is looking for a gift for someone that was due about the same time I was, so I mentioned that. I never get very big, so she must not have noticed the big bump on the front side of me- who knows? Anyways, she just looks me up and down and says..."well I hope it was a wanted pregnancy!" Yeah, that was sweet. I just replied with..."yeah my HUsband and I were trying for a baby and we are truly blessed that we are both healthy" C'mon people, why the rudeness?
I have one in K now, all the mom's are mostly 10 years older. I'm used to it. Actually what is funny is my mom is turning 50 this year (shhhh, I didn't say that) most of the people I meet are my mom's age. I love the shock factor when I tell them this! It has become kinda a fun hobby to rub it in! :) Ok, so I am immature, young and lovin it!
I'm ramblin', point being~
I love your post. You word it beautifully, sassy and so true!
hey...how was the concert? i can't wait to hear about it!!
xoxo
Why do women need to beat each other up all the time? Why can't we be happy for each other instead of being jealous? I think it's all the men's fault.
Crazy old jealous women!
Too funny! Looks like y'all had fun at your party. What a neat idea!
Haha, Amy!!! Fabulous! I love how you socked it to em with the zit thing - even if it was unintentional!! Hehe. Trust me, I know how you feel. I have been out and out asked if I am the girl's babysitter too many times to count. Can't wait for school days!
So, I'm not a young mom, having had my first at 30, but I have had encounters with one woman who had her first at 18 who I cannot get along with. She's so immature in her actions and comments.
Anyway, I agree with April. Women need to stop bashing each other for our circumstances.
--HP, Blog Hoppers
What a tacky group of women! I mean really RUDE! I am so shocked. I think you are fabulous! it's cool you're young. I am 37 and my best mom friend is 27. I love her to death. Tell them to shut the *&^%(*&$%# up!
Hon..I can so relate. I had my first kid at 19....I get the same kind of crap from some of the other mom's at my son's school...
Blog hoppin'
Dixiechick
Boy those women are rude!!! I can not believe they said those things to you. I am a young mom too (my oldest is 14 and I am 33) and I hate when people ask how old I am. Great job sticking up for yourself.
blog hopping along......
That just sucks! I was a young mom too, 19 with #1.
Happy Friday! Blog Hoppin'!
~"Margarita Mom"
I have wrinkles and zits and I'm freakin 42! With a 7 yo and a 3 yo.
You know, I really admire that you have so many children, at such a young age, and that you are so INVOLVED. To me that shows your dedication and maturity... the maturity and grace that those women obviously lack. Of course you know what you're doing, whether you're young or older ... your child is your child and you're the expert. What's age got to do with it? Just cliquey snobs, they are.
I am sure they are jealous of young you. You don't have to worry about Botox or menopause for years... they're staring it in the face. Which unfortunately I will be too when my kids are in 5th grade. But I promise not to be a bee-atch about it, I swear ;)
Bloghoppin' Pomtini
54 comments - seriously? Good grief girl - you have blog stalkers now! :)
I get this crap from older mothers all of the time. It's probably the worst at playgrounds and parks when I'm actually playing with my daughter, and not just pretending to watch. Also, I've had three wrinkles in my forehead since I was 8 years old. :)True story.
I think anyone who has kids my age is my age. It doesn't matter what the number is, your kids are going through the same things. In my mind I am 27 anyway (I am so not), but that's the number I like, so I am sticking with it!
Hang in there and I would use your bubble maker if I were throwing a party!
Come join my PTA, ok?
I had the same problem. I was the youngest, by a long shot, and I got scowled at the first few meetings. And then one night we had a fundraising meeting and someone suggested hitting up the businesses on the seedy street near us for business donations. Someone else chimed in, "Maybe we could get them to donate free tattoos or piercings." Everyone chuckled, and then, slowly, they ALL turned to me. (NOTE: I have lots of tattoos and piercings). There was silence. There was staring. And then I said, "Oh, hell, I'll ask them!" And there was giggles and sighs of relief and the next thing you know, I am the damn president of the PTA.
Your awkward moment will come, sister. :)
as a young mom, I get this too. But I thought it would eventually go away. I guess not!
I love that you told them you get zits. That's classic!!!
My bunco group is all women that are older than me & sometimes I feel that I'm looked down on for being younger (I'm 29 and had my Goosey when I was 25). It really gets on my nerves. Different strokes for different folks, you know!?!?! I mean, seriously, the fact that they think they can ask how old you are. Can you imagine if you asked them how old they are?? Seriously!
Found you through Classy Chaos. Love your blog :)
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