Needlephobia

I'm sure that is the technical term for it!
Abby had her 10 year checkup today, 2 months late, but better than never. We are new to the practice so I had to fill out 5,000 forms in triplicate, and wait forever for them to verify that we are actually insured and that it's okay that I leave with only paying twenty bucks. Not like they couldn't find me if it wasn't since my name, address, social, blood type and waist size was on every form I filled out.
So while we are waiting, Abby is getting frustrated because every child that walked in after us is shown right through the magic door. And I'm getting frustrated because I'm just really trying to read my book, and she's not having it. She asks the question they all ask, "Am I getting any shots today?"
"No, you are completely caught up, and won't need any shots until you are 12."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure, can I read now?"
Finally we get to go back and find out that my little girl is "practically perfect is every way." A few questions about puberty and the new vaccine and we are ready to go.
"Oh ma'am, she's gonna need to get the Hep A today."
Great, now I'm a liar.
Tears well up in her eyes, because really who wants to get a shot? She's scared, it's gonna hurt, but I'm even more afraid. A little background:
The worst of my many irrational fears would be my fear of needles. I literally cannot look at a needle without feeling queasy and the need to pass out. Maybe this is why I don't sew and will never get a tattoo. I either leave the room or turn and face the corner when my children get vaccines, letting the nurse do all the dirty work and avoiding all eye contact with the tray.
One of the biggest reasons for choosing home birth with the girls was the fact that I knew I would not be hooked up to an IV or getting any shots during delivery. Steven will tell you, the day of blood work, very traumatic, he probably still has nail marks in his hands.
When Kathryn was an infant and her pediatrician told me that the best thing for her was for the whole family to get a flu shot, I had a breakdown. Really I did. And the nurses and the doctor were hugging me and consoling me, you'd think she had just told me I was losing a kidney or something. And it wasn't even the day of the shot, I was just that worked up about it. Of course the actual day we got it, all three of the girls were troopers. No crying, until it was my turn. And I freaked out. But the words ringing in my head that I would be a bad mommy if I didn't get this shot forced me to the table.
Then one of the most memorable moments of motherhood so far. I'm sitting on the table, tears running down my face, just trying to breathe. Alli, Abby, and Emma grab my hands and start singing me Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Me, the mom who leaves them at the mercy of strangers. It was really a moment I will cherish forever.
Back to present: The nurse walks in, Abby's upset, and I ... stay! I manage to not see what's on the tray. Eye contact with my girl the whole time, holding her hand, and bam it's done, for her and me.
When we're leaving she says," You know Mom, it wasn't really that bad." No it wasn't but that's because she got it, not me!!