Now Hiring

Most of you know that I want more than anything to be on The Amazing Race. My brother and I actually sent in an application video, which I thought was pretty freakin' hilarious. I choose not to believe that the producers just passed us over. I choose to believe that as close as I was cutting it getting our application package mailed off, I just missed the 5pm deadline. Like I'm sure it got there at 5:03pm. That's the only thing it could have been, because NO WAY would they have not wanted to put our fab team on TV! It would have been riveting drama, great for ratings. Oh well, their loss.

So you are allowed to apply again, just not with the same teammate. I diligently stalk the CBS website watching the casting call section to see when I can get another shot. When this current season started, I was quite frustrated because the casting call was never posted. Or if it was, it was for a period of 3 hours on a Tuesday afternoon that I must have been napping.

But NOW, there is a casting call for The Amazing Race 13. And I am looking for a partner!! I do have a few requirements...

-You have to be able to put up with me for 30-40 days straight. I'm really not that bad.

-You have to be able to eat strange foods. I can't even do vegetables, can you imagine if they bust out pig's feet? My gag reflex says no.

-You have to be somewhat physically fit. I will not lose on a sprint race to the mat to a 65 year old Vietnam veteran grandpa with one arm. I will not lose rappelling down a mountain to a 50 year old lesbian librarian. I will not lose swimming in the ocean to a 19 year old dumb blond beauty queen.

-You have to be able to abandon your family sometime in April or May. That means you will have to miss all the stress of the end of the year festivities for soccer, baseball, choir, dance, school, etc. You will just have to stress over making a flight to somewhere as marvelous as the Isle of Capri or as depressing as Detroit. Oh, and you might have to miss out on a crawfish boil or two, but that's okay, did you read above? Pig's feet, YUM-O!

-You have to be able to back stab, lie, cheat, and wrestle your way to the top. For those of us who are members of the PTO, this should not be a problem.

-You have to be able to calm me down. I really haven't met the person out there that can do this. But sometimes I do get a little hot headed and I need a "zen" partner to help me focus and productively let off steam.

-You have to know that I am always right. ALWAYS!

I think that covers it for now. Send your resumes and I will start the weeding process. I'll contact you for interviews if I think you have what it takes. You might have a slight advantage if your name is Narci.

Oh, and the pay?? I'll give you half a million if we win!