The Little Black Dress

The company Christmas party is next week and I have nothing to wear. Okay that's not true, I have plenty of things to wear. Actually I have plenty of little black dresses to wear, but I've already worn them all. To other parties. Where none of these people have seen me. Therefore my dress would be new to them. But not new to me. So I had to get a new one.

My first thought was to go to White House, Black Market where I can always find something I LOVE, but somehow I was not in the mood to spend 200 bucks on a dress I would only wear once because apparently that's what I do. So I strolled the mall, looking, window shopping, waiting for something to scream BUY ME!! And it did, in Banana Republic. Trouble was the outfit would have cost me 200 bucks. And it was red, not black. And as daring and wild and crazy as you think I might be, for some reason I can't stray from the black dress.

Finally I mozied on into Express. We all remember Express. Wild crazy nights out with friends and nothing to wear, pop into Express for a sassy top and some black pants. All your clubbing outfits found there. Back in the day when we were young. Because apparently I am not young anymore. And I will tell you how I know this.

I saw a dress, a sassy little black dress. The perfect little dress. And I went to try it on. I must say it did my boobs justice and for that alone I was going to buy this gem of a 40 dollar dress. Problem was I wasn't so sure if it was a dress. So I went to the 19 year old sales girl whose waist was the size of my ankle and was the spitting image of Malibu Barbie.

"Umm, hi, what exactly do you wear with this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm not exactly sure what I mean. Is this a dress? Because it's awfully short and I think it's a dress but I'm not sure if it's a dress. So do I need pants or tights or what?"

Utter shock on Barbie's face.

"Yes, ma'am it's a dress and I would recommend some black tights and heels."

MA'AM???????????? I took a look around. Oh hell. I was a ma'am. I was the oldest gal in the store. Older than even the manager. Part of me said, put the dress down and walk out, NOW! Go to Ann Taylor, you'll be young in there. But I told you, the dress, my boobs, winner. The legs, not what they used to be, but not bad, especially since just about every inch of them were on display. But I knew that no one would be looking at my legs, but just to be safe, I'm doing lunges for the next 8 days.

I looked down at Kathryn, fidgeting in the stroller. Ready to leave and explore the germ infested mall play place. I was trying to make a decision.

"You know shopping was so much easier before I had kids."

"Really, how many do you have?"

"Four."

"Four? Really? You look so skinny for four kids!"

Barbie was redeemed in my eyes.

"I hope I look like you when I have kids and I'm your age."

Barbie was a bitch.

I turned away, went to the counter and bought my little black dress.

At least I think it's a dress. I'm still not really sure.