How Far We Have Fallen...

Once upon a time on a Saturday night, we would do really fun things. Go out to dinner with friends and catch a live band on a patio. Go bowling with fluorescent lights and rock and roll music. Play a game of water volleyball and laugh in the hot tub until 3 in the morning. Or have people over to barbecue and play a friendly game of Up and Down the River, another game T would "never lose".
Tonight we have hit an all time low. We sat on the couch for two hours and watched UFC. Now mind you, when I came into the room and saw what was on the television, I quickly rolled my eyes and started huffing and puffing. But it calls to you, using words like agility and charisma. I mean who doesn't want to watch that? Hulk Hogan was there in the stands with his not so famous wanna be singer daughter Brooke, must be big stuff. Joe Rogan's the host, and the "Let's get ready to rumble" guy's brother was the announcer. And if you are wondering where Geraldo has gone, he is the Vaseline man for several of these fighters. This is huge! So I was intrigued...
The first match was "Grape Ape" vs. "Snaggletooth". Not really sucking me in I must say. I mean the guy has fluorescent purple hair and the other one's teeth were in serious need of a dentist. Anyway, over and done and I am ready to change the channel. But oh no, match two is the Irish Stallion who likes to "ground and pound" against the Texas Stud, who can't decide whether to shave off all of his hair and what color to dye the rest of it, red, blue, yellow, hell try them all!
If you don't know, the UFC is fighting MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) style. Several of these boys' parents are so proud to see that their wrestling scholarships to schools like Purdue and Ohio St. have really paid off. Really, how often do you get to go on tv and perform a "full mount" and be rolling around on the floor like Ennis and Jack from Brokeback Mountain. I wish I could quit you! No, I wish I could quit eating brownies during this riveting television event.
The next time you go to Starbucks, do not be fooled by the innocent red-headed leprechaun serving your mocha double latte with extra whipped cream. No, that crazy guy just about pulled "the Exorcist's" arm out of socket, but the boy tapped out. WIMP! I will never look at scrawny white boys the same again.
So on and on, and it's time for the headline match. White boy was very chubby and black boy was ripped, until he decided to jump up and down and his chest resembled some Jello Jigglers. The match was going great, I'm on my fourth brownie, and "Sugar" kicks white boy on the side on the head. The guy was out cold before he hit the mat, but just to make sure, go ahead and punch him in the face a few times. And all I could say was DAMN! That is some crazy shit!! I think he's STILL laying there.
Okay, I must be sadistic, I kinda enjoyed all that. But I was always the girl front and center during a bar fight. And nothing thrills me more than a bench clearing baseball brawl. Please Steven, take me out next weekend, or else I might have to watch it again and be hooked! And if you and your honey want to cuddle on the couch next Saturday night, flip it to Spike and tell me what you think!!