The Thing about Doctors...

is that I must have a thing for them, seeing how I have spent every free moment this week with someone in the medical profession.

I had to take Abby in to have her knee looked at. Her sore from May, yes May, just wasn't looking good and I needed to make sure that there was no gangrene or cause for amputation. Come to find out it wasn't looking so well because she had injured it again, so it was a completely new sore on top of the old sore. Make sense? Yeah, well it would have been nice if she would have told ME that instead of having to give the doc 20 bucks to apply a bandaid. I did however manage to snag a prescription for Bactroban, so if anyone decides to get staph around here, we're set.

Then last night, on my poor husband's birthday, I decided that I would much rather prefer the company of the Emergency Room staff. Okay not really. Not that anyone enjoys going to hospitals, but I flat out am terrified of them. I won't even visit a friend who's had a baby. I break out in a cold sweat and hives just thinking about it, which gives them something else to treat and bill me for. But after several hours of phone tag with my doctor, I was told that I needed to be seen that evening, so that was that. Poor Steven had to bow out of his softball game and his birthday beers afterwards and watch our gaggle of girls for the evening, when I got to go sit in absolute silent seclusion for 5 hours.

I went to the new, pretty hospital right up the road, and it was nice. It didn't have that hospital smell yet which usually makes my hives expand exponentially. I was seen fairly quick and ushered back to my room complete with a flat screen TV. Which unfortunately was stuck on My Name is Earl, followed by The Office, and ER. Apparently it doesn't matter how new or pretty your hospital is, the TV remote controls are non-existent. It did give me quite a chuckle, watching ER in the ER, but all I could think was, who are these people?? I did not recognize one single character from when I used to watch years ago.

Of course I was sitting there thinking that I was missing Grey's Anatomy, which totally sucked. But it would have been just like home because during the 8 o'clock hour I was bothered several times by people needing something from me. A signature, blood, urine, you get the idea. And when the nice young lady walked in with the IV set-up, I told her she could just turn right around. I was not dehydrated and not admitted, and unless they were sticking my butt in a room upstairs, she was not sticking that needle in my arm. So I'm sure I got the reputation as the "ornery" patient. Just for fun I went to the door to spy on the nurses station and to see if any hot interns were talking about me, the difficult one in Exam Room 8. But no hot interns to be seen, they must have been in the storage closet having sex, because that is apparently what hot interns do.

After multiple tests and consultations, I was sent home. I am fine, especially since I have a kickass prescription of Davarset which will come in really handy the next time I tweak my back. But I was tired and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. Wouldn't you just know that Emma crawls into my bed at 4:30 to let me know that her throat hurts?

This morning, back to another doctor. And Emma is not the most patient of my children. So having to wait on the results of her strep culture and the doctor himself was easily the most agonizing 45 minutes of my life, especially since I wasn't exactly up to par still myself.

Emma loves to make wishes. She had an eyelash on her cheek which I put on my finger for the customary blow and make a wish. Usually, well always, that wish is for a hamster. I asked her if she wished for a hamster again. "No I wish that the doctor would come in here RIGHT NOW!"

I guess that's all it took, within 30 seconds there he was, opening the door, saying, "Welcome to strep!" Amazingly enough, this is the first time any of my children have had strep. Because the preservatives in McDonald's food keeps them healthy, we all know this, I say it all the time. BUT Emma has not had any Mickey D's for over a month because I have enforced the eating at home rule. So instead of paying for a Happy Meal, I had a co-pay and a prescription of Amoxycillin, which will fix everything the Bactroban and Darvaset can't. We did go directly to the McDonalds drive thru after her appointment.

But I'd like to be done with the doctors for a while. They're nice enough people and all, but I'm kind of getting sick of them.

Unless I could get in with McDreamy or McSteamy. That might be worth the hives.