Must (Not) See TV

The other day when we were driving to the movie, this conversation took place:

Emma: Daddy, why do you think the blue Doodlebop is gay?
Steven: What?
Emma: The blue one, why do you think he is gay?
Steven: Don't you mean the purple one, oh that's the Teletubbie.
Me: What does gay mean Emma?
Emma: I don't know.
Me: Gay is happy, Daddy just thinks that the blue Doodlebop is happy.
Emma: Okay.
Steven: (snickering)
Me: Whop!! on his shoulder.
Steven: Ouch!

Seriously though, that Rooney is gayer than a kite. And probably all of the Teletubbies. And Jeff of the Wiggles. I have even questioned Steve from Blue's Clues. And I am wondering why?? Why do I care about the sexual orientation of the people entertaining my children on TV? The kids have no idea about that sort of thing. Really, I should be more concerned about Tom Cruise and if he and Brad Pitt really are the "secret Hollywood It" couple. And Suri and Shiloh really are alien offspring. That's the sort of thing I should be worried about, at my age. Not about the fact that Bob the Builder is a little too feminine for someone in construction.

Then there's the flip side. I have been known to have a crush on certain children's television personalities. Can we say Anthony, the Blue Wiggle? I mean I was quite devastated when we had second row tickets to see their show and he wasn't there because of a hernia operation. I'm sure I wasn't the only mother of a toddler crushed that day! And yeah, I think Johnny (of the Sprites) is a tiny bit cute, not gorgeous or anything, but "pinch his cheeks" cute. Same for Joe. And it is seriously wrong for me to think that Corbin Bleu looks so much hotter with his hair pulled back! He's like 17! Am I the only one? Please tell me you think it would be so cool to have The Imagination Movers rearrange your furniture!

Can I get some grown-up TV please!! Can I have Lost back and obsess on Sawyer's ponytail instead? Can I wonder about what the heck SOMA is, instead of what the Doodlebops look like without their makeup? Or Captain Feathersword in street clothes? I'd like to not have to Google the Power Rangers because Dr. O looks sooo familiar. Yeah that's because he was a Power Ranger when my little brother watched the show!

I don't watch reruns. And the only things on right now are So You Think You Can Dance and Big Brother. So the kids basically have control all the time. I'm desperate here, I actually sat through Age of Love. I need fall TV, I need McDreamy and my Heroes. Please come back soon! I need grown up television.

Or else I am going to continue to obsess on whether or not SpongeBob is actually a cross dresser!