Lather, Rinse, Who's There??

This morning while Emma was still sleeping I set Kathryn with a snack and put the TV on the Backyardigans. Perfect! I can get in a quick, uninterrupted shower. So I thought.

Halfway through my shower...Ding Dong! Wow! I have a very loud doorbell and it's a good thing.

I immediately scream," Do not open that door!" Because my children love to answer the door. It's exciting for them, usually it means packages from the mailman and since Kathryn's birthday is right around the corner, she is all about packages. And of course even though I tell them all the time that only big people can answer the door, they don't listen.

And I'm thinking well who could it be? It could be the mailman, or UPS, or a Jehovah's Witness, or a college student trying to earn a trip to Italy. Or it could be a masked child molester.

So I am frantic, in the shower, conditioner in my hair,

"I MEAN IT DON'T ANSWER THE DOOR!"

Shaving cream on one leg, where is a damn towel??

DON'T ANSWER THE DOOR!!

There's one, shit, I stubbed my toe, come tearing around the corner, too late, door wide open, and all I can see is a little diaper booty halfway out.

KATHRYN, DAMN IT, I TOLD YOU NOT TO ANSWER THE ...

Oh, hi sweetie, how are you today?
It's the little girl from next door wanting to know if Emma can play.

Well not right now, she's still sleeping.

No she's not, she's standing right there.

Hi Hannah, what are you doing? Mom can I play?

And it occurs to me, are all my parts covered properly? Thank God it's just Hannah and not one of the little boys on the Sac, can you imagine what they would tell their mothers? So I do a double take on my towel, noting that I am standing in a pile of shaving cream as well and thanking God that all unmentionables are indeed hidden.

Well honey, we're about to leave, we'll have to play later.

You can't leave, you're all wet!

Yes I know, after I'm done, we're going.

The conditioner is now burning my eye.

Well if Emma can play later, I would like to play with her.

Okay sounds great. We'll see you soon.

I close the door, turn to go back to my shower, slip on the shaving cream, fall flat on my ass, and lose all grip on the towel. Thankfully my audience was just Emma and Kathryn.

So now on the honey-do list: one chain lock from the hardware store to be installed at the tippy top of the door. Because by the time Kathryn scoots the stool over, I should be able to rinse and locate some underwear and a bathrobe.