Pyromania must run in the blood

Conversation a few weeks ago in the car:

Mom, how come when it was the New Year on a Tuesday (how did she remember the day of the week) you didn't let me play with a green smoke bomb?

Well this is random. What are you talking about? What green smoke bomb?

You know, all the other kids were playing with smoke bombs and I really, really wanted to light one and you wouldn't let me do it, why?

Umm, I don't know, maybe because it was a firework!

But the other kids got to do it.

And your point? Sorry sister, I'm not exactly prepared to let you start messing around with pyrotechnics. Not to mention, how did they light them exactly?

With fire!

And you think I'm going to let you play with fire?

Geez, Mom, I'm almost 7!


Which let me tell you, was not a good argument. Because her dad is way older than 7, but get that man around fireworks and you would think he was a kid again. I mean I won't talk about the time he and my brother launched the tubes across the bayou to a neighboring cul-de-sac and angled them just so the fireworks would burst directly over the neighbors' heads. I won't talk about how he lit multiple rolls of Black Cats and threw them down the gutter to see how loud of a noise they could make. I won't talk about the time he lit an M60 and placed it directly under his friend's behind who at the time was kneeling and for years had been telling us about his bad knees, but seeing him jump, you'd think he was lying. Yeah, don't ever think I 'm sad I don't have a son.

I forced the man to take a few years off, distributed fliers to the local fireworks stands and warned them not to sell to him. But somehow he slipped through this year. And bought a few sparklers and smoke bombs to play with. Luckily I caught him before he made any major kaboom purchases.

I guess this year, literally, he passed the torch:

Emma was in hog heaven when Daddy let her light the smoke bombs and play with sparklers bigger than her.

At least this one has the good sense to stay back:

Or not:

Sure I'm two weeks late but I hope everyone had a great 4th! I know we did. I got to show off my new bitchin' color and cut.

And our street won the float contest, AGAIN, because we're awesome like that. But you know, it must get so tiring after a while to be so fab and have to throw beads and candy to the little people.

It's hard work, being an all-American cutie!