Rewriting THE Book

There are so many different versions of the Bible. You've got your NIV, your Life Application, your King James and the list goes on and on. Well, I'm telling you that there is a new version hitting the shelves soon and you're definitely going to want to pick up this copy. It's the ASTBKV (as told by Kathryn version) and it's sure to be the best one yet. We'll start with her rendition of one of the best known stories ever, Noah's Ark.

So how many animals did Jesus take on the Ark? None silly Mommy, Noah had the ark! He had to make it because there was a lot of rain that turned into blood. And then he had to sail on the blood for 40 hours with all the animals. But he was worried that the boat was gonna sink because the elephants were too big and they had bad tummy aches. And then the rain stopped and he had special birds, plovers, the ones that clean alligator's teeth. The plovers flew away and didn't come back and then Noah made a rainbow. Wait, Jesus made a rainbow, no God made the rainbow. But really Mommy my rainbow was the prettiest I colored a paper plate and glued colored ribbons on it. But don't tell God that I think mine is prettier because he might get mad.

There you have it. And a few other points in her version of the greatest story ever told. Moses, you know the one, baby in the basket, the Ten Commandments, parted the Red Sea. Let me introduce you:

Granny's dog, Moses did all that. And if you try to argue otherwise, you really don't value your life too much. Then if you even think about showing her The Prince of Egypt to clear things up, you better run for cover. And he apparently had no need of the Ark, the giant sea turtle was good enough.

Oh and Eve's a futuristic robot. But you probably already knew that.