TGIF???

I awoke this morning to a scream. Not sure of which child and where they were located but a scream nonetheless. Nothing new. And instead of jumping out of bed I waited the 3 seconds I knew it would take a sister to run into my room and explain the problem.

"Alli can't get her eyeball covered". Ah. That explains it.

I took Alli to get contacts yesterday. She had no issues with putting them in and taking them out at the eye doctor. But darn if the architect of our house didn't have a personal vendetta against her by making the bathroom counter too wide for her to lean across to get close to the mirror. And so the frustration set in. And unvery characteristically of me, I tried calmly to help her with the morning dose of drama. And, lately very characteristically of her, she snapped and sassed. And I calmly walked away before I could show her how close I could get her face to the mirror if I wanted. I don't do well before 7am. Sorry.

So as she was stomping and shouting I was getting the little ones ready for school. I was reminding Kathryn of how we were going to have a tear free day. First grade has not been her best friend. She has had what she likes to call "bathroom issues". She feels she has to go nonstop and is constantly running off to go pee. The faculty know that is my little forlorn mopey Kathryn roaming the halls looking for the nearest toilet. Bless her heart.

I took her to the doctor. We waited in the office for over an hour for a sample. No go. Oh but she did 30 seconds of within arriving home. We had a "to-go" cup to collect the first morning's business. No go. But apparently 30 seconds into the carpool ride she was squirming. I picked her up early from school and forced water down her for an hour straight. I felt I was hazing the poor girl, but I just needed a few drops of pee for crying out loud. The timer beeped, she went to the bathroom and Eureka. We stuck gold. Literally. Liquid gold. And there's no evidence of infection or illness of any kind. I think she is just currently a nut job.

I mean in two weeks she has let her teacher know that she has "short term memory loss". And almost poked out the eye of the boy sitting next to her with a pencil. And then so overcome with guilt she decided she would try to poke her own eye as well. I had to remind her we are not Catholic, we don't have to deal with guilt. And thank God she missed on both counts. She also let her teacher know that she figured out her problem...she has "helium". The faculty also know that I am mother to the resident comedian of first grade.

So in telling her that we would be having a tear-free bathroom issueless day and that I expected no phone calls from the nurse unless she broke her arm at recess I was also fielding the "I'm just going to get a bad grade" from Emma.

A bad grade on what? Talk to your teacher. She'll help you. No she won't. She told this other boy if he didn't figure it out he was just going to get and F and so I'm going to get an F. And then they are going to kick me out of that class and put me with stupid kids...and I really don't need to go on, do I?

Wouldn't have that issue if she would just follow in line with her mom and sisters and fall in LOVE with reading. But oh no, she hates it. And try as I might to find a book that might pique her interest. I fail. Constantly. And her worry is that she needs to make "connections" with the book she is reading. She had previously been reading the first of the Warriors series which is basically a book about fighting cats. This morning I handed her Percy Jackson and said "He's Greek...you're Greek. He likes the water, so do you. He has a hard time in school, and well, we've got some similarities going on, don't we?

"Yeah, but my best friend is not a goat."

I. Give. Up.

The blessing in all this is that somehow Abby escaped this morning. And she will be greatly rewarded when she gets home for not heaping anything else on me. Because on top of it all, I'm fighting a vicious summer cold.

So thank God for the weekend...I think? And a long one at that. I'm gonna need all that time to get someone capable of "putting in eyeballs", someone capable of peeing, someone capable of reading and myself capable of breathing.

I can't wait til Tuesday.